


Blue Jay

by LezzieKat5



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dolores Umbridge Being an Asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:34:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28693308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LezzieKat5/pseuds/LezzieKat5
Summary: A girl appears in Harry's 5th year, and punches Umbitch in the face. Chaos and hilarity ensue.Rated mature for violence in leater scenes.
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

Harry had just sat down in the hall, with Ron and Hermoine. Professor Umbitch was sat at the staff table, and looked like she was about to speak. Just then, a girl fell out of the air next to the High Inquisitor, and collapsed to the ground. “Fuck.” she sat up and looked around. Her hair was bright red, and tucked into a messy bun, a large metal stick poking through it. When she turned her head, Harry could see another piece of metal at the back of the bun, probably holding it together. She was dressed in all black, jeans and a t-shirt, with ‘The Sarcasm Is Strong Within This One’ Written on the front. Harry wondered if that was a reference to something. She stood up, and ended up towering over Umbitch. Her feet were bare, with a silver anklet around the left one, multiple pieces dangling off it. She had a chunky black watch on her wrist, with a silver face, and multiple rings on her fingers.  
Hermione gasped, “But that should be impossible! Nobody can Apparate inside Hogwarts!”  
Ron looked at her, “I don’t think that was Apparition, Mione.”  
Umbitch approached the girl. “And who might you be?”  
She replied, “My name’s Jay, where am I?”  
Jay then turned around, looking at the Great Hall. “Cool architecture, it looks like a cathedral. What’s with the ceiling?” she grabbed a pair of black glasses from a necklace Harry had not noticed. It was also black, with silver and bronze loops hanging at the base. It rested at her collarbone, another necklace above it. This one had a silver triangle on it, hanging upside down. She looked tanned, with muscles born of hard work. Her eyes were a mix of dark blue and pale green, with thick eyeliner around it. “Are you Dolores Umbridge?”  
“Yes I am. How do you know me?”  
“You’re the High Inquisitor…?”  
“Yes”  
“And Headmistress…?”  
“Yes.”  
“Ok then. I’m going to do something I’ll probably regret.” With that, she punched Umbitch in the nose with a tremendous left hook, leaving the headmistress unconscious on the floor. “Whoops. Sorry. I tend to punch morons and bigots, it’s a habit I’m afraid.”  
She grinned lopsidedly, and shrugged at the rest of the teachers. “She’ll survive though, I’m decent at incapacitating, but her nose will be broken. Also, she’s using Blood Quills on students.”  
She strolled down the space between the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff Tables.  
“Where are you going?” McGonagall asked.  
“Library, I wish to get ho-” the girl disappeared in the same unobtrusive way that she had arrived in, the only evidence of her appearance was the unconscious pink toad-woman, lying in front of the teacher’s table. The hall went into uproar, and chaos ensued, and it was only with a lot of effort did the teachers quiet down. Everybody ignored Umbitch, and she was left on the floor until Filch carried her to the Hospital Wing, Mrs Norris at his ankles.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idk, what happens to Jay when she gets back.

Jay collapsed on her bed. "That was strange."  
She wasn't sure about what happened, just that she had appeared in what she assumed was Hogwarts, the castle in one of her favourite books series, and punched Dolores Umbridge in the nose. "If that is a one time thing, at least I punched a moron."  
She sighed and rolled over, notebook in her hand, "Magic" she underlined. then, she wrote down what had happened. 

Just in case...


	3. Chapter 3

The second time Jay appeared was in Potions. Snape was being his usual self, so Harry was amused to see her arrive cross legged on his desk, seemingly absorbed in a large book. When the professor noticed her and started to speak, she held up a finger, and grabbed a bookmark from her back pocket. Then she looked around with shock in her eyes.

“So it Wasn’t a dream.” she muttered wonderingly. “This is weird.” She then slid off the desk, her bare feet landing gently on the cold stone. Her T-shirt was almost plain today, with a stylised cat on the front and long, loose sleeves. Her jeans were different too, more faded, with large rips in them. She had earrings in though, silver like the rest of her jewelry, and shaped like unicorns. They dangled halfway down her neck.

“This is Hogwarts, isn’t it?”

How do you know of Hogwarts?” Snape looked furious that his lesson had been interrupted, but willing to listen to the stranger. He raised his wand, and a large Patronus flew out, and left the classroom.

“Where I’m from, you are all characters in a book. None of this should exist.” she wandered down the aisle between desks, looking at the potions. Everyone leant back from her, as if she was infected with some disease.

"You are Severus Tobias Snape, Potions Master. You were written as one of the antagonists though, but not the villain. I never thought Rowling was quite fair in writing that.”

Dumbledore walked through the door, his wand pointed at the girl. “Miss Jay, I-”

“Nightingale.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Jay Nightingale, that’s my full name.”

“No middle name?” the headmaster looked confused, he wasn’t used to being interrupted.

She grinned ruefully, suddenly looking more youthful, “My Birth name was Ruby Jay Nightingale, but Stone Bird Bird just don’t sound right, y’know?”

Dumbledore still looked puzzled. “When I turned 15, I asked my friends to call me Jay. It wasn’t hard for them, they’ve all changed their names multiple times.” she chuckled, “and Jay-bird was already a nickname for me. And seein’ as I’d realised I wasn’t fully female, it just seemed right.”

“Fully… female?”

“I don’t fully align with the gender identity the world saw fit to give me, but I ain’t non-binary or gender fluid either, so the phrase Demi-girl fits.” she jammed her hands in her pockets, lopsided grin on her face. “I hope that you ain’t gonna start preachin’ homophobia at me, I get enough of that from school. You’d think they’d have somatt better to do with their time, but nah, they think annoying the weird kids is the best use of their time.” She finished her rant, slightly out of breath, and Harry noticed that had edged her way around, closer to the door.

Snape noticed too, “I do hope that you are not attempting to escape. Though from what, I cannot tell, as you seem completely harmless, if kept at a distance.”

Suddenly there was a knife quivering in the blackboard, caught on Snape’s long sleeve. And Jay was running out of the door. The Potions Master tugged the knife free and set off after her, Dumbledoor left in the classroom, with the students.

“I’m sure there is nothing to worry about, your professor is a capable man.”

“Sir,” Hermione put her hand up, “Who was that?”

“You know as much as I, Miss Granger. We only know what she has told us.”

“That wasn’t very much.” Ron piped up. “She said that she’d thought it was a dream.”

“And that Professor Snape was an antagonist.” Malfoy spoke. “And something about a Rowling. Whom I assume is the writer of what she claimed was a story.”

Just then, Snape walked in, levitating several knives and Jay, who was hanging by her ankle. Her arms were crossed, and she was scowling.

“Miss Nightingale,” Dumbledore said, “If this is, as you say, a dream, or a story, do you know who I am?”

“Of course I bloody know who you are!” She growled. “Albus Percival Wulfric Brian fucking Dumbledore, Leader of the Order of the fucking Pheonix, moronic Headmaster of Hogwarts, why would you let all of this dumb shit happen, anyway? I mean seriously! A cerberus in first year, A FUCKING TROLL!! A DOOR PREVENTING STUDENTS GETTING TO A MAGICAL IMMORTALITY STONE, AND IT’S OPENABLE WITH A FIRST YEAR CHARM!!!!! HOW STUPID CAN YOU GET?” There was another knife in her hand, from where she’d pulled it from her sleeve, “I HAVE HALF A MIND TO PUT THIS THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL, TO KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO YOU!! WHAT THE ACTUAL, **TWAT WANKING, FUCK WITTED, _BLOOD_** _ **Y BUGGERING FUCK**_!!!!!!”

And suddenly, she was gone. The knives disappeared too, and Snape let out an almost inaudible sigh of relief.

“She has magic. I’m not sure what kind, but she is definitely not a muggle.” Dumbledore looked concerned. “I believe that the students should leave the classroom. I will call a staff meeting.”

So ended the second time Jay appeared at Hogwarts.


	4. Chapter 4

The third time was over a third way through the year. She walked into Umbitch’s classroom, carrying a large sword.

“Whassup, fuckers!” she called. Everyone stared.

She had large, wine red boots on, and a grey t-shirt with a triangle with a line and a circle inside. The top had holes around her shoulders, and she had fishnet sleeves. Her jeans were ripped, and she had a plain grey shoulder bag resting at her hip. She reached into the bag, and pulled out a book, which she threw at Harry.

“You’ll be wanting this. It’ll explain.”

Umbitch stood and started down the aisle towards her, stopping in the middle, “I hope that you are aware of what you are doing.”

Jay grinned viciously, showing teeth. She was leaning on the sword, a large iron fool, leather handle, and wide pommel. She spread her hands, “I’m helping. He is telling the truth, y’know.”

“Lies and slander! You are clearly working with Dumbledore!” Umbitch had gone an even uglier shade of pink than her clothes, “You will answer to the Minister for this!”

“Lies?” Jay stood tall, and in several strides, was towering over the toad. “You of all people must know,” she shot a look at Harry again, “That children must not Tell LIES…” her smile was gone, and she was nearly snarling, her shoulders tight. “I am not from this world, you have no power over me, and I am not aligned with anyone but myself. Not you, not the idiot you call a minister, not Dumblefuck, not Moldevort. Nobody controls me, nobody judges me, apart from me.”

They straightened, turned towards the class, and smiled like nothing had happened, “That being said, who wants to learn how to Really fight and defend yourself?”

“This is Illegal!” Umbitch was apoplectic, her face turning purple.

“No… I don’t think so.” Jay drawled lazily, “No more _illegal_ than using blood quills on students, and forcing them to snitch on each other. Honestly, it’s like The Crucible all over again!”

Malfoy stood up. “How do we know that you are telling the truth?”

Jay’s head snapped up, eyes focusing on him, “Draco Lucius Malfoy, son of Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, and Narcissa Malfoy, originally Black. I know a lot, some stuff that I feel safe in assuming that you do Not want me to speak about. Why I am here, I have no Fucking clue, and I’m not going to pretend I do, but as I am here, I am going to do my best to help anyone who needs it, because Fuck Rowling, fuck the TERFS, and _fuck anybody who gets **in my way.**_ ”

Malfoy nodded, sitting down again with a contemplative expression on his face. Harry looked down at the book they’d handed him, “This has my name on it, and the Order.”

“Yep.” Jay popped the ‘p’ and moved to the front of the classroom, perching on the desk, “You are the protagonist, as are your friends. As I said before, fuck Rowling, we dislike her. Imma mess stuff up!”

“Yes.. you said she was a terf, what is that?” Blaise Zabini asked, “You clearly think it’s a bad thing.”

“Oh yes, a TERF is a trans-exclusionary radical feminist, or a transphobe. We do not like her, at all.” Jay stated. The sword was leaning on the desk now, next to their knees.

“So what can you teach us?” Theodore Nott queried, “You clearly don’t have magic, and no wand either.”

“There is this little thing called muggle weapons. Throw a curse at me.” she slid off the desk, and lifted the sword. Theo tried to stupify her, the red light streaking towards her face. She lifted the sword, the curse bounced off, and collided with Umbitch, right in the centre of the room. “Ha! Pink toad.” their smile was sharp, and filled with satisfaction. “Bitch, I don’t know how you put up with her, honestly.” and then disappeared with a self satisfied smirk.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of Jay's backstory is revealed! How much longer do you think she will keep on coming here. Warning, non-graphic description of blood.

Draco Malfoy was holding court with the other Slytherin fifth years in the common room. “This Jay then, do you think that she can help us?” They all knew the truth of the matter, Voldemort was back, and their parents were his followers, with the exception of Blaise Zabini and Tracey Davis.  
“If she can, she’d better do it quickly, teaching us how to fight will not help anyone.” that was Vince, he was a lot more talkative than Greg, though nobody outside of Slytherin knew that. “We know what He is capable of, and we’re pretty sure that she is just a mugg-”  
He was broken off by the arrival of said person, sprawled on the floor, with a knife through her back. She was dressed in a pretty black dress, knee length, and soaked in blood. Her shoes were low heels, and her nails had been painted red. Jay’s hair was loose, curling over her shoulders in a way that would have been attractive, had it not been for the stab wound and blood matting it.  
She groaned, arms twitching slightly, and tried to get up. 

“Hold still, we can help.” Daphne was by her side instantly, already casting diagnostic charms, “It looks like just a stab wound, but I can’t tell if there’s anything else.”  
“Bu.. ullet.” Her voice was weak, but steady.  
“Bullet?” Tracy was also there, lifting the girl by the shoulders, “You also got shot?”  
Jay nodded, pushing herself up, with the other’s help.  
“I’ll get Madame Pomfrey, she can probably help too, and Professor Snape.” Draco strode out of the room, Vince and Greg at his heels.  
The knife was removed, and Jay stood up, swaying slightly, “I can deal with this, I wasn’t paying any Fucking attention, so I got myself mugged. Bloody bastards.”  
“You were shot. There is blood in your lungs, and a knife in your back.” Daphne looked even more concerned, if she’d got shot, surely she wouldn’t be angry at herself for that.  
“The bullet is in my chest, and.. And…” her knees collapsed, Blaise grabbed her under her shoulders, she stared at him dazedly, “Nick? What are you doing here, and….when did you grow your hair?”  
“She’s gone delirious. We’ve got to get her to the Hospital wing, or there will be too much blood loss.”  
Snape strode into the room, wand in his hand. “Y’know, I always thought that dying would hurt, but the pain is disappearing now, and that’s probably not good.”  
Her face was pale, muddy turquoise eyes startlingly bright against her skin, lips smudged with black lipstick. “Has the blood soaked through the skirt? Mum got my brother this dress, before he left. She didn’t understand that he was a boy, like she doesn't understand that I’m not always a girl. She won’t know I’m dead, will she? She hated that we were not straight, y’know, and she’ll never know I died.”  
As she was rambling, Snape was casting spells over her body. The blood disappeared, vanished elsewhere, but there was still more seeping through the fabric. He handed Blaise a phial filled with a smokey red liquid, which he pressed to their lips. Jay drank it, and colour flooded her face, a sudden awareness in her eyes. The bullet lifted out of her chest, just above her heart, as Madame Pomfrey ran in, Draco, Vince, Greg, and surprisingly, Potter. The mediwitch waved her wand over Jay, a silver stream pouring out and flowing over her. Her eyes fluttered shut and she fell completely unconscious.  
“She’ll live,” The mediwitch was saying, “But a bullet and stab wound is no laughing matter. I wish to bring her to the hospital wing, and make sure that she heals properly.”   
“Why are you here Potter?” Theo was gripping his wand, looking nervous, but the other Slytherins knew better, he was preparing for a fight.”  
“I wanted to know if they are going to be okay.” Potter was holding the book Jay had given him, “They’ve told me what’s going to happen, and what would have happened if they hadn’t arrived. It’s all written in this book, and you were right Malfoy, Rowling is the author.”  
“Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix? Really Potter?” Malfoy drawled, “Does your arrogance know no bounds?”  
“I didn’t write this! This was published in 2003, seven years in the future! Why would I write this anyway! I hate being famous!”  
“Mr Potter,” Snape stood up, “If I could see the book…?”   
Harry handed it over, and the entire group walked out of the room, leaving Snape and the Gryffindor behind. “It’s all about what’s happened. But she only handed me book five, so I only know what would have happened this year. And the occlumency lessons will clearly not work, because apparently, I see a memory of my father being a twat.”  
“Language, Potter! And what do you mean, your father?”  
“That’s not my place to tell, but sir? I understand why you are like this, Aunt Petunia allows Dudley to be the same.” With that revelation, he slipped his Invisibility Cloak over his head, and disappeared.  
“Blasted Potte- Did he say Petunia?” Snape paled drastically, and started running. He had to talk to Dumbledore immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments, they feed and motivate me!


	6. Chapter 6

Jay was still asleep in the hospital wing when it happened. Another person stepped out of the air, holding a mug. He was tall, and dark skinned, looking a lot like Blaise, only more muscular, with close-cropped, curly hair. He stopped short, and looked around. His gaze landed on Jay, and he dropped the mug, striding closer. “Jay?”  
“Who are you? And why are you here?” Madame Pomfrey was stood in the doorway to her office, the Slytherins and Harry behind her.  
“My name’s Nick, why’s Jay here? Where is here? How did I get here? Who are you?” He looked confused, and almost angry. “What’s wrong with her? Is this why she never came back last night?”  
“Jay was shot and stabbed,” Harry stepped forwards, “What is your relation to her?”  
“I’m her best friend. We got a flat together after she left. Who are you people?” Nick walked over to the bed, sitting on the chair beside it, “Is this where they’ve been disappearing off to then?”  
Just then, Jay stirred, opening her eyes. “Jay, are you ok?” He took her hand, enclosing it in his own,   
“Nick? What are you doing here?” she stared. “How are you here?”  
“I don’t know, I tripped over the neighbours cat, and found myself here.”  
“Why were you with Tabby? Did she get into the apartment again?”  
“Yes. That doesn't answer why you’re here.”   
Jay pushed themself up, still holding Nick’s hand, “I don’t know. Everytime I get more injured than a papercut, I end up here, messing with the plotline.”  
“And where is here?”  
“Remember the books I was obsessed with when we were in school?”  
“Yes…?”  
She pushed herself up while Nick adjusted the pillows, Madame Pomfrey started forwards to help, but Harry held her back, “Let them speak.” he whispered, “They obviously have a lot to talk about”  
“This is where we are, in Hogwarts. Their fifth year, same age as we were in Y10.” They looked him in the eyes,”Maybe we can help them. Against Moldevort.”  
He grinned, “Insolent to the last, eh Jay? I’ll help, but you’ve gotta let me get better myself, before making me look a novice. I’m aware of your skills with weapons.”  
She laughed, a strange, deep, wheezy thing, and coughed harshly. “I think that the medicine is also healing my asthma.”  
“Well that is good. You’ll be better than ever”   
Harry finally stepped forwards, “Do you have a plan?” Jay grabbed her glasses from the table at the side of her bed as he continued, “ You know about the DA, you know about Umbitch, and you know about Padfoot. How can you help us.”   
“I, foolish as I am, have a Plan.”

She slipped off the bed, black dress fully intact, having been fixed while they were healing. Nick supported them as they walked across the room. She shivered slightly, her dress had short sleeves, and the weather had turned chilly.   
“What you have to do,” they started, “Is create a base of operations. Trust in not just Wizarding technology, but Muggle stuff as well. Don’t underestimate the power of a logical mind. Get a car. Don’t have to be fancy, just good for long distance trips. And someone of age to drive it. You should also get an apartment. Get Padfoot some time outside, and he can be of some use. Scary dogs usually are.” She looked at the Slytherins. “You don’t want to work for the Dork  
Loser, do you? Moldevort is an idiot.”  
“How do you know this?” Malfoy stepped up, hope shining in his eyes, “How can you help us?”   
“I told you Blondie, I know many things!” She was grinning now, making a dramatic pose, the arm that was hooked around Nick’s elbow was pressed against their collarbone, the other made a sweeping gesture around the room, “I, Jay Nightingale, am a mere University student, but my knowledge and Nick’s logic can assist you in your quest to defeat Tom Marvolo Riddle, also known as Lord Voldemort! And that.” They paused, looking around the room and locking eyes with Harry, “Is a promise.”  
The pair disappeared.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ooh, buddy. we got ourselves some angsty bois here! Don't worry, it will get resolved!

Harry woke up in a cold sweat. The dream he’d had that night was worse than before, the corridor was almost real, tiles chilly against the floor. He grabbed the water on the table, downed it, and walked across the room down the stairs. The common room was empty, save for a grey tabby cat.As Harry sat down, it walked up to him, and started winding around his ankles. He let it sit on his lap as he thought out loud.

“Jay has a plan. They know how to help, and are willing to. But can we trust them….” He trailed off, thinking again. “But she said not to trust the dreams. And Snape has the book. Who can I trust...? Why did the Slytherins need her help, unless… Oh!” The cat startled, jumping off his lap, “They don’t want to work for him! They are being pressured! How did I not realise”

He stood again, pacing the carpet. The fire was dying, and in the light, the flickering shadow behind him was alien and strange. He went back to his room.

The next day was damp. A heavy fog had descended on the grounds. Jay had appeared during lunch, knife in one hand, and an onion in the other, while a glass chopping board lay shattered on the floor. They had glass embedded in their feet for a while, and Madame Pomfrey pulled it out, after she’d stopped swearing and hopping around.

She’d disappeared after that, but not before asking Hermione to cast an undetectable extension charm on the grey satchel they’d had over their shoulder. “I often forget to do some things, while being meticulous about others. Forgetting to take off coats and bags happens quite often, but I loathe wearing shoes or socks indoors. And I only really wear my boots outside.”

After potions, Snape took Harry aside.

“I find that I must apologise to you, Mr Potter. I was unaware that you live with Petunia Evans. I knew her as a child, as I grew up with your mother. I can only imagine that she has gotten worse with age.”

“Y-you knew my mother?” Harry stared at him with wide eyes. “Could you tell me about her?”

“I could yes.” Snape looked down at the boy in front of him. “Your eyes, however, are more like your grandmothers, more emerald than jade. I am correct in assuming that Petunia withheld more than information, am I not?”

The Potions Master knew he was correct, as Harry flushed, turning away. “You are less like your father than I thought. I was wrong in assuming. From now on, you can use the potions lab as a space to avoid the pink toad.”

“Thank you sir… but why did you protect me, if you hated me?”

The teacher stepped away from him, “I never hated you Potter, I hated your father, and you seemed to emulate him. Especially in that first lesson, when you were doodling on your parchment.”

“I was taking notes sir.” Snape whirled around, “I took points from you for taking notes!? That explains why you hated Potions. I have been a fool.” He looked at his watch, “You should go now, if you don’t want to miss lunch.”

“Bye sir!” Harry sprinted out of the room, grabbing his bag on the way.

“Well that was intriguing.” Draco stepped out of the storage cupboard, “What did you mean, not the only thing she withheld?”

“Draco!” Snape looked at him, “Why were you listening in?”

“You’re going to need help if you want to befriend Potter. I can help. I would like his forgiveness too.”

“Very well.” The two Slytherins nodded at each other, and Draco left the room. The teacher started wiping down the blackboard when a heavy thump was heard behind him.

A muttered voice was heard behind him “I'm such a fucking disaster!” Jay was sat on a desk, leaning on their hand. They had a long black skirt that reached their ankles, and a baggy t-shirt. It had a skeletal unicorn on the front, with the words, “I loathe you!” In friendly writing. It seemed apt for the girl, both welcoming and off putting at the same time.

“How are you a disaster…” Snape paused, confused on how to address her, “...Nightingale?” They ran a tired hand over their face and slouched backwards,

“I told my roommate I was gay. Turns out, she was a homophobe, and now everything is going wrong. She’s very popular, and now nobody wants to even talk to me. Luckily, I still have the Vicks.”

“The Vicks?”

“Viking reenactment society, I joined them a year ago, and have been fully accepted, my reputation and all.” She grinned ruefully, “I left to take this degree a while back, and all of my friends are elsewhere. Except Nick, but he’s in a bunch of different classes. We shared a room a while back, before new rules came in about opposite genders in the same accommodation.”

“Reputation?” Severus realised that this was the first time in a while that Jay had spoken about this, the way they slumped in relief when he offered no judgment, merely an open ear.

“Oh yes, I got into fights when I was younger, can’t listen to authority figures at all.” The careless way they talked this seemed to be another mask, another way of hiding their true personality, someone that only the Slytherin had taken a glance of when the young adult had been close to death, only when they truly believed that there was no going back, and he felt pity. Pity and shame, that this student had been so hurt that they’d closed themselves off, possibly to everyone. “I started fighting anyone who even looked at me the wrong way, and pushed away so many of my friends. There aren't many left now.” There were tears in their eyes, clinging to their lashes, “I-i just, I just wanted everyone to Just Leave Me Alone!”

The spiky eyeliner was running down their face, and they rubbed it off impatiently. “I’m such a fuck up.” “How about you find the students and explain your plan. I’m sure that you don’t want to focus on other muggles being fools for much longer.” They gave him a watery smile, “Thank you. For listening.” They slid off the desk, grey bag almost catching on the chair.

And disappeared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and Kudos feed my Soul! Any ideas for next chapters, please tell me, I'd love to know. thank you!


	8. Chapter 8

Nick materialised on the Saturday, fingers bleeding. “I was throwing knives with Jay. Would someone mind healing it, I caught it wrong. They’ll be here soon, I’m guessing.” he grinned, similar to Jay’s almost incessant smile, “Would you mind showing me around?”

The Golden trio took him to the RoR, where Luna and the Slytherins were preparing the next DA lesson. The room looked like a mix between a kitchen, a living room and a library, with large plush armchairs scattered around a fluffy black carpet. There was a round oak table on one side, several matching chairs on one side. An industrial sized gas stove was by the wall, gleaming black with stainless steel handles. Above it was a grill, cooking some bacon. Neville was watching it with an intense stare.

Unusually for the Slytherins, they were on the floor, sprawled around the carpet, pouring over a plan that Luna was writing ideas on.   
“Bit informal for Slytherins, ain’t it?” Nick was still smiling, smaller now. “I thought you were all posh and shi- stuff.”  
Harry stared, “You are allowed to swear, Merlin knows Daph does it enough times. And Ron has a mouth like a sailor.”  
“Okay then! What’re you doing?”  
Draco stood up. “We had a civilised conversation, and the Inquisitorial Squad are feeding incorrect information to the Pink Toad. In return, we are being given a Proper education, based on Professor Lupin’s old notes. Harry is lucky that he wasn’t questioned on why he needed them. We were hoping that you and Jay could give us Muggle fighting lessons, or teach us more about the Muggle world, as different experiences give us more information.”  
Nick nodded sagely, stroking an imitation beard, “Of course. Knowledge is power, after all. I’m sure that Jay would love to learn more politics. Hitting people is never the best way to deal with morons, unless there are few consequences.”  
“And there are many morons that they have to deal with?” that was Neville, a contemplative expression on his face. He picked the bacon off the grill and placed it all on one plate with a pair of red and silver tongues. Walking over to the rest of the group, he placed them in the middle of the carpet, flopping down to lean on Luna’s shoulder as she continued scribbling ideas down.

“That’s not my story to tell, I’m afraid, but I will let you know that we all have our fair share of demons.” Nick joined the rest of them on the floor, and noticed the snake around Hermione’s shoulders. “Why is there a sna-”  
She rolled her eyes, glaring at Harry, “It’s his, but appears she likes my hair more than his because it is ‘warm’. And SOMEBODY” she put emphasis on her glare, as he put his hands up defensively, “Wants to grow his hair out naturally before letting me use magic on it, instead of taking responsibility for his own pet.”  
“It’s not MY bloody fault that Alexa likes hiding in hair! Besides, growing it out magically makes my head itch.” he flicked her knee, she swatted his hand away, and reached for a slice of bacon. “D’you want some Nick, Neville made plenty.”  
The man grabbed a rasher, biting into it. ”How much muggle fighting do you want to know, ‘cos I only have the basics down, but Jay is a genius when it comes to physical violence. Less good at maths and shit, but knows biology like the back of their hand.” he wondered when they’d want to start training. “How good are you at physical exercise, by the way.”  
Blaise groaned, collapsing backwards, “No more running, please! We get that twice a week, from Mr I’m-To-Fucking-Healthy-For-My-Own-Bloody-Good over here!” He gestured vaguely over at Harry, who grinned unashamedly, lifting his chin in an obvious challenge.  
“Well, when you can beat me in a five K run, I’ll be happy to let you stop.”   
Nick’s eyebrow lifted, pulling attention to a gold eyebrow bar. “What’s your PB? Jay did the same with me, and we still can’t beat each other.”  
Harry’s eyes glowed, making the others sigh heavily, copying Blaise in collapsing. “How about a race? WInner gets the last piece of Bacon.” he pointed at the plate, where Luna had just lifted the penultimate rasher off.   
“Alright then. Challenge accepted.” the two lads jumped up, the room changing to allow a race. Nick shook Harry’s hand, and Tracy counted down. As she said zero, the pair set off, almost sprinting.  
“I thought that you shouldn’t run quickly?” Draco was confused.  
Hermione scoffed,”Only if you’re not crazy good at running. These guys clearly-”  
There was a resounding crash; Jay had appeared, tripped over the armchair, and dropped the several knives she was carrying. “‘Sup.” She was lying on the floor, upside down with her legs still on the seat of the chair. Their hair had changed colour, fading down from a dark scarlet to pale ginger at the tips, a few shades lighter than Ron’s. It was plaited, but not tucked into its usual bun, strands of red framing her face and flying everywhere.  
“What are you doing?” Neville started towards them, as she struggled to get up.  
“Well, CleaRly, I am hugging the floor, showing my AppreCiaTion for it always being there.” The sarcastic comment was said as they twisted around, pulling themself off the carpet, scooping the plain knives scattered around and sliding them into a sheath. They were wearing a pair of ripped black shorts, with a cropped vest showing off their muscular arms. There was a small tattoo on her shoulder, but the students couldn’t see what it was. She had no jewelry on, with the exception of the watch and two necklaces. “Where’re the other lads?” They looked around, squinting into the distance, before grabbing a small case from the ever-present grey satchel, flipping it open and removing a pair of glasses. She flicked the arms apart, shoving the frames onto her nose, and looked again. “Are they having a race?”  
“Umm… Jay?” Daphne murmured, “Why’s your hair.. Um… Changed?” she reached out, as if to touch it, but stopped. The other kids looked intrigued, the question having been on their mind since she’d appeared.   
To the surprise of the group, Jay just chuckled and flicked the braid dramatically, “It’s hair dye. I have naturally brown hair, but ever since I turned 12, I’ve been dying my hair.”   
Luna smiled airily, “You should go purple. Turquoise suited you though.”  
Jay inexplicably brightened and started speaking quickly, shooting questions at the blonde, “Can... can you? You can-. But how..? Nevermind that, what can you see? Is it the future or the past, is it different places? Different times? What are the limitations?”  
“I have a slight amount of the Sight, not as much as my mother, but enough to know who you are, and how important you ar-”  
Jay flapped their hands dismissively, “I ain’t important. You however, you can literally see through time! Are there different probabilities? Do the effects of this affect the future, or is it set in stone? How does this affect your magic?” they were almost buzzing, talking so quickly. A wide grin was on their face as Luna started explaining, before they pulled her over to the armchairs, and started scribbling things in a small red notebook that had been pulled out of their bag.  
“Well,” Draco coughed, “I suppose that’s another way that Jay can help us.”   
“What do you mean Drake?” Pansy had jumped onto the counter, taking full advantage of the informal situation.  
“We have all sorts of information now. What better way to defeat a monster, than having someone who knows how they work?”


	9. Chapter 9

It was a Tuesday. Jay and Nick were teaching basic hand-to-hand combat in the RoR when Dobby appeared.  
“Mister Harry Potter sir!” He was dressed in what looked like wizard robes made of sewn together socks. All odd colours. “The pink toad teacher is arriving at this floor!” he seemed frantic, “She has a student with her, Missis Edgecomb.”  
“Aww, Fuck!” Jay threw her hands up, “And here I was, thinking that she wouldn’t snitch!”  
Harry placed a consoling hand on her shoulder, “Chill ya’ beans, we’ll get our revenge, thanks to Mione. After reading that book, we put a couple of extra precautions up. We replaced any names that anyone can say with Dumbledore and Tom Riddle. It’ll be amusing to say the least.”  
“Very well then, Hero Boy.” They then grabbed his hand, twisting his arm, before he slid out of her grasp, and jumped away. “You’re getting better at this.”  
“Always the tone of surprise,” He grinned, “And, as you say, Let’s blow this popsicle stand!”  
The group turned expectantly to Draco, who’d come up with the escape plan. He looked at the back wall, where four doors appeared. One black, one silver, one bronze and one gold. Each house left through their respective doors, Jay and Nick staying behind. They got into their places, ready for a show as the room warped around them.  
The main door opened, Umbitch stepping through. “Ah Hah! I knew that there was something on!”  
Jay looked up from the ceiling beam she was hanging off. “Oh Hii! How’re ya’ doin’?” Flipping off and landing on a large mat. “And the only thing going on here is Chaos! Dumbledore left with Riddle just a minute ago!” They grinned, almost manically.  
“Want a jelly baby?” Nick stepped into the room, dressed in a ridiculously long mismatched scarf, pale grey trench coat with brown cuffs, a suede fedora, and a paper bag filled with sweets.  
He was dressed as Tom Baker, the fourth doctor.

Umbitch was tapped on her shoulder, she whirled around and saw nobody. Then Jay waved a hand in her face, and skipped away. The floor started shaking, and the pink toad-woman wondered if she was hallucinating, as the room shifted into her office. But instead of the pink, and the kittens, the room was beige, with horrible shades of green and yellow decorating the shelves. All of the lace had been replaced with cobwebs, with giant spiders on the plates, and lizards crawling around in the potted plants. She shrieked, her eyes rolling into the back of her skull, and fainted. Jay yanked a couple of hairs out of her head, placing them into a small box. They then grabbed a razor from the RoR’s table, and started shaving her head. All the hair was swept into a large bag, and handed to Nick, who had undressed from the outfit, and was back in his usual pale jeans, trainers and navy hoodie.  
“So what are we going to do with the Bitch?” he asked, “Because I have a few ideas.”  
“Oh?” Jay said, smirking evilly, “Do tell..”

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP  
The general consensus of the Hogwarts was that the two strangers were insane. The tall boy had Befriended Peeves! The girl-not-girl had punched Professor Umbitch! They had both insulted every powerful person, and their followers, in Magical Britain! And they were still alive!

They had successfully cased chaos, both inside and out of Hogwarts. And they had done it well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't forget to leave comments or kudos. They feel my soul!!


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